The Guardians Of The Galaxy Porn Parody: It Exists.

Back when I was writing for this little defunct blog called Comicgasm, I ran into this small production by an outfit named Vivid studios called Batman XXX: A Porn Parody. Porn parodies of whatever was in the zeitgeist wasn’t really uncommon then (see: Pirates, Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge), but Batman XXX was different. It was a parody of the Adam West Batman show, and it went out of its way to recreate it as much as they could.

So they enlisted the help of the original costume designers from the 60’s, made sure the sets looked as close as possible to the originals, and they even had the performers act like they were Adam West, Burt Ward, and the rest of the cast. The guy playing the Joker was so in character that his scenes were so terribly creepy. The remarkable thing about it was that you can cut out the sex scenes and you’d end up with a coherent pseudo-episode of the 60’s show.

And thus started the comic book movie trend you will never hear people talking about: the comic book porn parody. It’s like the creepy uncle of the mainstream comic book movie industry; the one they try to ignore and never invite to family gatherings but somehow shows up at a wedding and creeps out a cousin’s girlfriend.

Unfortunately (fortunately?), the comic porn parody never managed to capture what was great in Batman XXX. For some reason Comicgasm ended up on the PR list of some porn production houses and I was treated to a non-stop deluge of press release upon press release of a new comic book property being defiled week after week. Except for a couple of bright spots, each movie description I read became sadder and sadder. I’ll spare you the details.

Eventually, I got too busy and failed to update Comicgasm. The emails stopped. I assumed that everybody else finally realized that watching porn stars schlup each other while wearing superhero outfits was too fucking weird even for porn and they all just moved on to Google Glass, 3D, virtual reality, or whatever new trend is cool these days.

Boy, did I underestimate the internet.

I just found out that a Guardians of the Galaxy porn parody is going to be released. It’s going to be called Gnardians of the Galaxy. I wont even try to crack a joke. I’ll let the press release speak for itself.

The movie stars Aaron Wilcoxxx as Star Load, Daisy Ducati as Gamwhora, April O’Neil as Rocket Raccooch, Shane Diesel as Crax, AJ as Groin, Tabitha Stevens as Kokrath, and Vuko as Bonin.

Here’s the borderline SFW poster for you.

God damn, those names. And yes, April O’ Neil, one of the more attractive female performers around, will be playing a talking alien raccoon. And yes, Groot in this version is a gigantic walking wooden junk. Let that sink in, internet. No, you cannot high five your friends after your demands of a GoTG rule 34 movie finally happened.

You go to your room, sit in one corner, and think about what you’ve done.

Source: io9